You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
