Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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