a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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