it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
