I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
