You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
