i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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