i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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