you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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