Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
