I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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