If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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