Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He shit in the fireplace
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
