your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
vagina is talking i cant
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
