Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Hippo gnu deer
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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