My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I will die if light touches me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
