He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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