All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
