We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
