how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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