come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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