sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
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You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
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Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem