apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.