babies were throwing up all over the place
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.