Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?