I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.