need another drink. this is the easiest way
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
