i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
