Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
