That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
