great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
That's when you crack a 10am beer
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
