I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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