The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
