Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
