we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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