Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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