I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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