i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
