So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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