trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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