to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
