i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
