the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Ladies don't puke and tell
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
