Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
