He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
