You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
