I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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