I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
