bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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