i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
