If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Thank you for not boning my boss.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
