Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
