you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
