My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
