I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
