She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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