Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
