i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
