tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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