Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My liver just had a heart attack.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
