Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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