i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I know her cup size but not her name....
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
