We got so high we made milksteak
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
