she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
