if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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