dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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