Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
