just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
