My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
