why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
