he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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