Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
sarcasm needs its own font
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
