I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
