I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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