As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
