there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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