Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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