The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
