shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
