I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
