i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
