As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
