So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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