I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
