Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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